It came to our editorial Cecil mailbox and ... something about common sense (says Cecil) will be! :)
Family doctor:
"Prescribe three drugs: Blue pills, take morning and evening, yellow 1x bedtime. If you perhaps stomach ache after them, you swallow these striped and after each of the previous ones. Headache after the blue ones will certainly improve these drops and to any rash ointment is the best. It's a pattern that you adding free. It has a bit of cortisone, but only a little, you can really feel the grease. Now this is important: it is imperative that you take medication regularly. Well, that's all for now. If you sicker, try to overcome the fact that you focus on something uplifting. "
Internist:
"First, we take a blood count, one RTG snímeček, to computed tomography and magnetic resonance imaging exam course, urine and stool, a smaller DNA analysis and not forgetting the hair analysis, brain and allergy testing. That has to be done well EKG, EEG and AEG examination, it will be obvious. Finally flush out the stomach, bladder, colon and look at your mirror to the larynx and the ear to the head. And before we get the results and will prescribe something reassuring from Novartis, Pfizer, Bayer and Monsanto all will be well.
Alternative dentist:
"All of amalgam fillings must immediately out are full of poison. Instead we all about white crown. They are somewhat expensive, but it may also last longer. And you come to me and weekly mouthwashes, there you have a lot of bacteria. Tech right to be free. "
Homeopaths (after a two-hour conversation):
"Quite sure you have not, you're a tough case. I need a few more days, I think about it a bit. Globule will then send you straight home. Just one highly potentiated globules day, plus three times a day with low potency. When you get sick, this is clear evidence that the treatment is working. I'll see you again in 6 weeks. I am sorry that you do not pay the insurance company. "
Acupuncturist:
"Meridians have completely clogged. How could they could circulate chi? In addition, you do not even balance their elements and yin-yang. With acupuncture, but it can handle smoothly, it is an ancient healing method from China, to verify the effectiveness of millennia. After all, the Chinese way treat both fractures and abdominal operate. Now you little propíchám and needles while I fidget left. At home you follow a strict diet pětielementovou, once a day on the left heel and right eyebrow tiger lubricating ointment and ingested three sips tea from a swallow's nest. We also recommend 20 Qi Gong exercises to strengthen those meridians properly. "
Naturopa:
"It's pretty obvious mold in the gut! She has to go. Right strips and introduce hydrokolonterapii." You'll be amazed how after proper flushing will feel wonderful. If ruptured intestine, do not worry because we have a handy surgeon.
Holistic nutrition consultant:
"No meat, no flour, no dairy products, no eggs, nothing cooked, no sugar, no salt, no pepper, no fat, no coffee or alcohol, no nicotine, no car, no phone, no sex. And what instead? Top only fruits, vegetables, soybeans, raw cereals, mineral water. Milk cocktails !! It certainly removes any sickness and disease, and in case you wanted to hang during therapy, go to colleagues in psychiatry. The longer we go to check you do not. "
Bioresonance Medicine:
"I could know! Of course allergy to house dust mite, milk protein, wheat, tomatoes, cucumbers and work. Well, we will not take long, but we have to a new modern multifunctional biorezonátor. This one contactless probe can find your pathological vibration frequency and biorezonátor is a special program to convert its harmonics. Well, you can then go into the body again. Twenty, thirty repeat it, and if it survives, again you guy. "
Radionics:
"God, how can you live in it? Everywhere there have natural light, dragon veins intersect with the four geopathic zones plus feel electrosmog! Look how the dowsing rods curls. Just shift the bed, put her under special insulating mattress and a few copper coils. Also check immediately install the equipment for the preparation of medicinal Grander water. Orders will be filled promptly. "
Psychotherapist:
"Before closing their eyes to what? What you do not see? What makes you so tired? You need to confront their problems, causes hard look in the past, but to learn to live with it and to love myself like that, how you really are. And something else. If you want me to help you, so you have to throw out all the recommended tablets after they cease to be myself. "
Psychoanalyst:
"It is clear repressed Oedipus complex. Your father's syndrome is disturbed and transposed to your boss. This constellation reminds you of your former neighbor at the time of your early childhood. Lie down on the couch and please leave flow freely through various associations. I do not give to its chair nap. And do not worry, for two to three years to possibly cure. "
Reiki Master:
"Yes, I see it clearly: your energy is not flowing as it should. Keep your head still, I add a bit of Reiki energy. But you must not talk so much - just lie back and relax. Reiki will manage it alone. That's it. Come tenfold, then we'll see. If you want, you can also remotely heal. You can sit at home, while I to you I'll concentrate deeply. One session is CZK 1400. Treatment is remotely for only 990 CZK. "
Kineziolog:
"UPase, I'm a little bit and I push your body responds. See how you hand dropped? You're completely distracted by! We can only help to balance your right brain hemispheres, replenish energy and also show you how your home will massage your eyes. When you get 10x begins again restore your self-healing ability. "
Astrologer:
"Data of birth you sent me your horoscope I have prepared. What do I see? Uranus and Saturn is now reflected directly on Jupiter and the moon is in exact conjunction with Pluto. The ecliptic is somehow skewed, and in the third house I see Venus. It is big enough problem. But do not worry, in a year you will have a completely different problems and for an additional year at today's problems will be remembered with emotion. "
Feng-shui:
"Look, how does your apartment: segment Relations're dirty linens in the segment Wealth withered flower and die in Glory and Career're restroom. It is not different? We will advise how to get everything right in the space station as well as a mainly flat revive our healing crystals and energy mobile aparátky. I promise you, you like the investment will pay off a hundred times. "
Channeling:
"I just got a message from another world that you are someone completely different and do not belong to this world. You are destined for higher goals. Unite against with higher powers and become a spiritual healer. It will be your true calling. Just a month starts our educational group, where I teach people like you like to develop latent abilities for the benefit of the whole world. Now you for this task extremely talented. Humanity needs your help and waiting for her. One week course is for only CZK 20,000. "
Family therapist:
"First, we will discuss your family system. Do you have any" black sheep "? Immunohistopathology children, ousted uncle, aunt or grandchildren, nieces or nephews disinherited, cheated husband, lazy truants or proficient students? They disrupt your family system and it will weigh. Fix your family constellation. Bow before her parents, grandparents and great-grandparents, siblings, and before all the relatives and thank them for everything falls on his knees before them, weep and weep. Streams of tears will tangle your vin cleaned up. "
Tantra Teacher:
"In you still disregard the male and female principles. Sometimes either the whole man, sometimes a whole woman, but also connect the both. Pray to Shiva, Brahma and Ganesha puruṣo, Narasinhovi, Lakshmi, Hanuman, Indra, Candra, Bhagavan and Mahéšvéránandovi. Your mind is calm, because I will not have time to think about stupid things. "
Yoga teacher:
"We first do a few difficult position when you dislocate joints a bit and almost burst spine. It makes the whole body and your karma very well. Then sit in the lotus position and begin to meditate on the mantra" Om "in front of images of Sri Chimnoye, Sri Mata, Krishnamurti, Maharishi, Sai Baba and Ali Baby .... "
Transpersonal psychologist holotropic:
"Breathe, breathe! Deeper and faster! And still! Even faster! Continues!". You see? We've come to your embryonic stage. After a while you become sperm. Keep! Breathe away and did not delve into their past lives. Now you're Napoleon! Worries are gone, the problems disappear, you are infinitely happy. You have just exceeded the transpersonal paradigm. Holotropnímu breathing can also learn cheaply in our advanced course, or follow the instructions in the bestseller Stanislav Grof.
Shaman:
"You're obsessed přivtěleným spirit. First, draw a little mescaline and peyote. I do not concentrate their forces on you, while I remain silent and rattle this magical instrument. Then we are zabubnujeme and we call upon the Great Spirit Manitou and Mother Earth. Eventually you will dance until fall into a trance. So atonement evil spirits. "
Good friend:
"Man, wake up! Expel all those shamans, healers and spirits from the head. Forget their wisdom and go for a walk, go for a beer and be yourself. Be happy life."
Source: Editorial email - therefore Cecil ...
